Hatori's Eternal Headache
by Insane And Loving It
Summary: Ever wonder why Hatori's so stoic? Bett you'll never guess why! (full summary inside) Rated R for swearing and homecidal tendencies. Yaoi! Pairings: haven't decided. Adult hints and themes.


Iali: Hiya! Me again!

Kyo: I'm here too. –Grumbles and pouts-

Iali-evil toothy smile- He lost a bet.

Kyo: Almost beat that damn rat! K'so!

Iali: Anyways… I have to say thank you to any of the people who read my reviewed my other fics and now are reading this one. Thanks!

Kyo: That was pointless! Just start the damn fic!

Haru-yawns- What's goin' on?

Iali: Where'd you come from?

Haru: Got lost, decided to take a nap –shrugs-.

Iali: Well, this is my first Furuba fic, mainly about Hatori. You're in it too!

Haru: Really?

Iali-evil smirk- Really.

Haru: Then start the fic already! –Turns black-

Iali: Read the disclaimer?

Haru: Iali does not own Furuba. Try to sue and I'll kick your ass!

Kyo: You can't fight, remember?

Haru-goes white- Oh yeah. Shit.

Iali: Hope you like the fic! RR!

* * *

-Hatori's Eternal Headache- 

Idea behind fic: Why does Hatori act all stoic all the time? It's because he has two sides, a bad one and a good one, arguing constantly and he can't side with one. So he doesn't, and comes out unemotional. But it's hell in his mind!

Pairings: Not sure, but a lot of flirting when he lets his "black" side out. Yaoi.

Rated R for adult themes, homicidal tendencies and thoughts, as well as lot of swearing from "black Hatori".

"Blah" Talking

!blah! Hatori thinking

-Blah- Ha'ri thinking/ talking (you'll find out about later)

_Blah_ Tori thinking/ talking (also find out about later)

'Blah' other people's thoughts

(Iali: Blah) me talking

* * *

Ever wonder why Hatori's so stoic? Well… let's find out!

* * *

We find Hatori where he usually is, his office. He's seated at his desk, Shigure and Ayame crowding around him as usual. 

"Come on Tori-san, it'll be fun" Aaya pleaded, going down on his knees. Hatori suddenly found his pant leg being clenched by Shigure who gave him all too adorable puppy dog eyes. He sighed.

"Please Haa-san!" Shigure whimpered out. "You know you want too!"

"What makes you think I want to go to a NC-17 movie picked out by you two?" he asked unemotional, looking down at the papers on his desk, trying to make them seem important.

!Mommiji drew on my desk again! he thought, slightly annoyed which quickly faded to amusement as he looked over the sweet pictures of a dragon with the name "Hatori" next to them.

"Come on! You need to get out more Hatori! This stuffy office is too overbearing" came Aaya's voice which snapped him out of his thoughts. Of course it didn't show on his face.

"There's nothing wrong with my office. Besides, I can't leave. Akito has a fever" in his mind there was a chorus of 'Nice save!' that nearly made him smile. Nearly.

"I'm sure someone else could watch him for a little while" Shigure said smiling while Aaya bobbed his head up and down.

"I rather not take that risk" he said, trying to look professional.

-You're lying out your ass- came a voice from his head.

!Urasai! he thought, annoyed; he almost had the right aura to convince those two to leave!

"Come on Tori! We never spend time together! And Shigure lives so faaaar awaaaay!" Aaya wailed, clinging to Shigure.

"Aah! No! I'm sorry my love" cried the Inu, wrapping his arms around the clinging hebi. They suddenly pulled away from each other then suddenly pulled on goofy looking smiles and gave each other thumbs up with a shout of 'Alright!'. Hatori just looked at them with a trace of amusement and annoyance.

"You never get tired of that do you?" they both looked at him with sly grins on their faces.

"Nope" they cried together, both leaping into his lap at the same time.

At that time, an innocent servant was outside Hatori's room. He had been sent to see if Sohma-sama wanted tea. He stopped suddenly when he heard…

"TAKE MEEE, TAKE ME PLEASE HATORI!" The servant looked around, slightly embarrassed to have heard that.

"NO! TAKE ME INSTEAD! I'M BETTER AND YOU KNOW IT! PLEASE TAKE ME NOW! I CAN'T WAIT ANY LONGER!" The servant was full out blushing; his wide eyes pinned on the door. His feet seemed to have frozen to the spot.

"I KNOW, I KNOW! HE CAN TAKE BOTH OF US! AT THE SAME TIME!" The servants eyes widened wider if at all possible and his nose started to bleed.

"ARE YOU SURE WE'LL FIT TOGETHER! I MEAN, TORI-SAN AND YOU ARE SO BIG!" The servant did an all out faint right in front of the door, his nose still bleeding.

In the office, Hatori pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed as the other two Jyunishi talked in overly loud voices.

Hatori hoped against all hopes that the voices would stop. Suddenly, there was quiet and Hatori started to open his eyes, feeling hopeful.

-TELL THEM TO SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY-

A row of tombstones appears in his mind, along with a very serious minister who looked at a fresh grave. "Here lies another of Hatori's hopes, how many does that make now?" He opted to keep his eyes closed.

_Shut up is such a mean word…_ a MUCH softer voice argued, err, voiced.

!Can he even argue! Hatori thought, annoyed about being attacked from both sides.

I- doubt he does anything that isn't right in every way- the other said in a sullen tone.

_Just because I try to do the right thing, doesn-_ the soft voice began, sounding slightly upset.

!What about those thoughts about a certain oushi! There was silence in Hatori's mind for a minute, and then the sounds of shuffling feet became loud in the silence.

_You think those things too Ha'ri!_ the other voice shouted, somehow still sounding soft despite the volume.

-Mine doesn't include tying him down Tori- the darker voice shouted gleefully, taking joy in the fact he found something to tease him about.

!Why in the seven hells did I name you guys again! Hatori asked, trying to get out of this conversation before it resulted in a mental battle. And a migraine the size of Japan.

A shrug on both sides was his only answer which made Hatori sweat drop slightly. The voices had always been with him for as back as he could remember. They were just part of who he was. They were similar to a shoulder angel and devil. Ha'ri was the loud and potty mouthed one, and the devil in Hatori's mind. Though with Tori as his shoulder angel, Hatori felt as though there wasn't much "good" in him.

_WHAT ABOUT YOUR COWBOY HAT AND SPURS!_ Nope, definitely not a lot of good.

!Hentais!

_Shikashi Ryû-sama (1) he-_

-What do you mean "he"! Besides…- points at Ayame and Shigure who have been begging this entire time. -We're nowhere near as bad as them-

!What should I do about them!

-Ne-

_Oro?_ Hatori sighed in annoyance.

!What should I do about the Hebi and Inu (2) ! Blank looks only answered him. Another sigh was all he could do to keep himself from yelling at Kami-sama to forgive him for whatever he did to deserve this.

"Can you be quiet?" A mental scramble and panic happened in a brief second but it didn't show. "Akito's sleeping you know…."

_My hero!_ Tori cried, wrapping his "arms" around Hatori.

-Great fuckin' job- Ha'ri said with a smirk, patting him on his back.

Ayame and Shigure, to their chagrin, manage to look slightly guilty.

"Well… I guess we'll leave so you don't get in trouble…" Shigure said with a melodramatic whimper. They wrapped their arms around each other headed out the door, that is, until Ayame turned towards him.

"We'll deal with you later" he said with a smirk and stepped out before Hatori could even begin to protest. The sound of cracking knuckles in his mind was very loud.

-Just give me fifteen minutes Ryû-sama! I promise no one will find the bodies- the mental image of Ha'ri rolling up his sleeves came up in Hatori's mind.

_Ryû-sama! They are your cousins after all…_ Hatori let out a groan and put his head in his hand.

!What did I do to deserve you guys! Once again, a shrug was given on both sides.

* * *

(1) They call Hatori Ryû-sama because Ryû means dragon. It's his mind, so I guess he's the lord of it. 

(2) Hatori calls them that in his mind because Ha'ri and Tori only known them by their Jyunishi, not their names.

Iali: What do you think so far?

Kyo: Crap.

Iali-locks Kyo in closet- MEANIE!

Haru: I haven't shown up! Is Hatori some kind of closet pervert?

Iali-laughs- Maaaayyybe!

Haru: What's with those thoughts about me!

Iali-shoves Haru into closet- All shall be reveled…. If you press the button at the bottom of the screen! I love this idea; please tell me what you think! Kind of short, but I'll try to make it longer next time! Ja!


End file.
